Anonymous Advice Column
Have a problem? Need some advice? You’ve come to the right place. This is my anonymous advice column. Submit whatever is on your mind and I will post the message, along with my advice for the situation. No name or email needed
Where da hoes at and how can I acquire more
I believe you can purchase hoes at your local gardening store. I don’t think there is a limit to the amount that you can acquire so go crazy I guess
When do you want to have dinner underwater?
Stealing my tweets are we now??? I swear to god if I find out who you are, I will have your head on my desk by this afternoon. I am having my top agents locate your IP address at this very moment. Count your days buddy.
Headass mf
Well you know what? I don’t like your tone. You will be hearing from my lawyer (you’re getting taken out of my will)
How many booms can we get?
However many it takes to blow up the pentagon (just don’t tell my mom)
Should I try and get a post-college job, or just keep vibing and hope for the best?
If you don’t have to get a job right away, I’d recommend just vibing for a bit. I’m not advising you to spend your days doom scrolling, but use this time to do all of those things that you always wanted to do. Enjoy not having responsibilities, walk around barefoot, throw lasagna at your mailman, set a train on fire, just enjoy life for a little. But never lose the drive to create, to live, to engage. I plan on using a ouiji board in an abandoned building soon so hit me up if you want to join.
What’s it like being so pretty? Have you considered that it’s a little bit rude to everyone else for you to outshine them so much?
Thank you for your kind words, complete and total stranger who I’ve totally never met. However I would never outshine anyone, because we can all shine together. There are between 100-400 billion stars in our galaxy and each one is just as bright as the other :)
Did you hear? The eyeless abomination with seven mouths is here!
I did not hear about the eyeless abomination with seven mouths!! I mean I obviously heard about the eyeless abomination with six mouths, it’s been all over the news. I had no idea that the eyeless abomination with seven mouths dropped! Do I need to buy the DLC or do I just need to download the update?
You should come back to NY now :(
Give me a place to stay in Brookyln/Manhattan for under 1k and I will be back there tomorrow bb
Until then, I shall be enjoying free rent (living at home)
What should I do about the monster under my bed? (it might be on of my cats, might not)
First, sprinkle a salt circle around your bed (this will draw the monster out, its a known fact that monsters love sodium). Then, pretend to fall asleep (it helps to make fake snoring noises). Eventually, the monster will smell the salt and go in for a lick, when they do this, chant “bippity boppity, you’re banished from my property” three times. The monster will then burst into flames. (Don’t do this if it is your cat)
Im eating nerds gummy clusters and realizing the ones in the regular boxes have different shapes than the ones that come in the large bag vs the ones that come in the small bags VS nerds ropes that have entirely different sized nerds on the rope VS actual nerds in the halloween size boxes VS the nerds in the regular size boxes
a very astute observation, thank you for informing me on this. I assure you that I have my best people working on it
you’re really cool, how can i possibly acquire this level of swagger? Asking for a friend (me)
Why thank you, unfortunately I have to disappoint you by informing you that I am in fact quite warm. As far as acquiring this swagger, I’d be happy to share with you as I have an abundance. Sign up for my newsletter where I will be providing some weekly advice on how to be as swag as me.
I’m a bit tired right now. Would I be better off with a coffee or a Red Bull?
I’m not sure about you, but nothing wakes me up better than the blood of my enemy’s first born child. The younger the better. Those things have like 400 mg of caffeine
this is VERY BAD
well, you know what??????
you are beautiful and i love you <3 love from india ;)
Takes one to know one my love :) I love you too <3 miss you lots, I eagerly await for your return to the U.S
MUCH hate from india. Love, India
I guess I have mixed reviews from india then
This is Spencer charnas. Uncardboard me >:(
Never!!! you have no idea how long it took to cardboard you to begin with
My love??? Awwwww
Yes, my love, because I love you <3
Hiiiiiiiiii
Well this certainly is a hard one to answer. On the one hand, do I respond with a simple ‘hello’? Which leaves us all wondering, what is the meaning of hi? What do the different versions of greeting mean? A simplified version of the word hello, (hi) could possibly be seen as a sign of laziness. Do I not deserve a proper and fully typed out ‘hello’? However, you took the time to add an additional nine ‘I’s to the original word, which implies a certain level of care. Or is this a sign of casualness, like the extra ‘I’s make the interaction more friendly and less official. Either way, don’t forget to take your bear to his dentist appointment this Saturday.
What does your favorite way to eat a potato say about your personality?
Everything. Literally Everything. If your favorite way to eat a potato is baked, you probably set orphanages on. fire. If you prefer your potatoes fried, you also probably set orphanages on fire. If you like them with cheese, it most likely means you have an extra toe and a sister named Martha. So yeah, you can tell a lot about a person by how they take them taters.